Marriage Counseling For Blended Families - Have you considered premarital counseling for blended families? If you remarried with children involved, I don't need to tell you that remarrying with stepchildren can be difficult. The numbers speak for themselves. Although divorce rates are declining, the United States Census reports that 66 percent of remarriages with children fail.
Why? Because family problems are real. However, you can have a successful second marriage - even if you have children. I know from experience as a premarital counselor and family therapist that the keys to successful parenting and cohesive families are within reach.
Marriage Counseling For Blended Families
Step By Step: I was recently featured in an article on How to Remarry Happily and Give Pauline a Better Life that was published in WebMD ("Step By Step" pg 24). It explains the mistakes remarried people make, and how to avoid them. I want to share the same advice with you.
How Marriage Counseling Can Help You Meet The Needs Of Your Blended Family
The success of a second marriage depends on several factors: planning, education, communication, and maturity. Let's take these topics one by one to create a road map that will help you avoid the common pitfalls of blended families and take it one step at a time.
Here at Growing Self we are big advocates of prevention and early relationship repair, and we do everything we can to help couples create and maintain strong, happy and healthy relationships before dating problems start. That's why we have a strong and powerful premarital counseling program. However, most of the couples who go for premarital counseling are usually young, getting married for the first time.
They recommend marriage counseling before marriage because they are careful and hardworking, and they want to do everything they can to make their marriage last. This is amazing, and we encourage them to come...but these are not couples who need a lot of pre-marital counseling.
Couples who need counseling the most before marriage are those who are remarrying. Why is counseling and remarriage so important for blended families? This is because there are many possible obstacles and opportunities for heartache, resentment, and conflict with children from second marriages than from the first.
Blended Family Counselling
In fact, the number one issue that causes conflict in blended families is parenting. Mainly followed by conflicts related to the relationship of one or both parties.
Premarital counseling for blended and remarried couples with children helps couples anticipate and prevent early marital problems. It helps you plan, and it tells you how to deal with the challenges you may face.
Some of the important questions that couples should ask themselves when planning a marriage are:
These are just a few of the questions that remarried people with children should discuss. (Very different from the conservative, conservative people who talk about premarital counseling, right?) Planning how to deal with marital problems before they happen can help. to take it easily.
Six Tips For Blended Families
Communicating freely with the children is very important for the second family to be successful. Don't just think about what will happen, or what should happen. Talk about every problem you can think of, clearly. This will greatly increase your chances of success.
If you are dealing with issues that are difficult to discuss, or where disagreements are rampant, it is wise to seek professional counseling to resolve these future conflicts. .
Our true relationship experts know how to help you learn, grow, and progress into a bright new chapter.
People who are remarrying with children should teach themselves what to expect, and how to deal with difficult situations in the family that may arise. (As opposed to just jumping in, and hoping for the best.) This usually starts with encouraging your child's feelings. First of all, it is important to understand that even if you are engaged with your new partner, happy and excited to start a new family together... your children may feel very different.
Structural Family Therapy: Definition, Techniques, And Efficacy
Although children can adjust to stepparents and stepparents, the transition can be long and painful. Learning how to support your children through the (natural) problems of grief, depression, and anger is important.
Children often express pain and anger. Understanding how to support your children and their "frustration" at this time will help you 1) not make the problem worse by blaming or punishing your children for expressing their feelings, 2. ) help them learn how to use their emotions. healthy way.
It can also be important to educate yourself about parenting strategies for struggling children, and set your expectations accordingly - especially if you are a parent of someone else's children.
Karen Prowse, child psychologist and author, has a beautiful quote, "First connect, then fix." Many stepparents make the mistake of thinking that they should have control over their stepchildren's lives without building a good relationship, or trusting the child. They try to force themselves into the child's life and it backfires, causing anger on all sides.
Blending A Family
Learning to act appropriately, emotionally, and with realistic expectations, is essential for your second marriage and children to be successful. Stepping back, and adopting a "friendly, supportive adult" stance in your child's life (as opposed to an overbearing parent who focuses on building healthy relationships) will pay off, in the long run.
[W] Working on compassion and accepting the reality of your loved one's life will take you farther than trying to change it.
Having a happy, successful second family with children requires a high level of self-awareness and maturity. For example, it can be difficult not to be upset if your partner's children are not happy with your relationship.
Plus, it can feel scary if your loved one needs to connect with their ex — especially if their ex is a "borderline cheater." And it's a no-brainer that your new husband is pulled in different directions emotionally.
Cultivating Love In Blended Families (part 1 Of 2)
It is normal and natural to want to be the first in someone new's life. And, in most cases, in a joint family situation, you have to share their time and attention. I can't tell you how many marriages have been destroyed and burned on the idea that you have to "put your husband in a united marriage." This is a common misconception (one that is often promoted by therapists who are not trained as family and family caregivers).
The truth is that families are more complicated than that. Accepting this fact will help you to have a positive attitude when your partner needs to be alone with their children, or trying to reconcile with his ex-wife, or you need to respond with kindness when your child is angry or sad. It takes a great deal of emotional maturity, tolerance, acceptance, and trust when your partner can't always agree with you.
It's best not to be in lockstep all the time. actually Giving each other the space (and grace) to do things with your children and ex-spouses as you see fit is an act of tolerance, acceptance, and compassion. For another marriage with children to work, there needs to be individuality and a difference in the way you deal with things.
Instead, in a healthy family relationship, you will support each other in your relationship with your children, and your child's other biological parent (aka, "Ex"), about "how things should be." I will oppose fighting with each other. "
Therapy For Blended Families
While this is good, it is also true that these moments are often difficult and debilitating, especially if you are feeling powerless. Finding support for yourself in these moments, and trying to empathize and accept the reality of your partner's life will take you much further than trying to change it. But again, it takes a lot of maturity to deal with these family problems with respect and love.
These are just a few tips to help you discuss the challenges of your blended family, and overcome them, so that you can have a successful second marriage. Again, there are the family success tips I mentioned in that WebMD article. I hope this information will help you find peace and love in your new marriage.
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is the founder and clinical director of Growing Self. She is a licensed psychologist, marriage and family counselor, and board-certified coach, as well as the author of "Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to Your Ex Love," and the host of The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.
If you're ready to move forward, we're here to help. Contact us, and tell us your hopes and goals. We will follow the instructions,
Here's How I'm Overcoming My Fear Of Blended Families Post Divorce
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